Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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