Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
