She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
