Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dude. I can hear the air.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
