im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
