stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
