I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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