So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
