My hand turned me down
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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