they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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