i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
