Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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