Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
