I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
