how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
