this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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