"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
