if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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