I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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