Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
