Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
high people should be assigned attendants
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
