our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
