Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
