If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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