My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
