The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
