I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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