I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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