I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
