We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
