I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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