At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
