i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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