U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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