Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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