Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
