I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
