I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just google imaged poop.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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