Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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