I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
