Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
