You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
