The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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