I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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