went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
