yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
