after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
