That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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