this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
