After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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