Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
