i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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