Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
