I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
