I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
