We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
