I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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