I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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