My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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