The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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