I'm drive I can fine osifer
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
