so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
