I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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