I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
