so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
