She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
