He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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