sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
