He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
