he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize