She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
