Farmville is her only friend.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
