Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
