YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
